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It doesn’t appear that South Carolina has joined the world in going bonkers, but can we be sure that will be true in the future? In most South Carolina cities and counties, it’s still true that men are men, women are women and it’s not a crime to know the difference. But that may not be the case everywhere.

We now live in a world which includes men who claim to be women and women who claim to be men and no one seems to know which restroom a woman with a penis or a man without one should use. Perhaps that’s the reason that 78% of the students at Cornell University voted in favor of a referendum to install tampon dispensers in both the men’s and women’s rest rooms.

Several years ago, CampusReform.org referenced an article in the Cornell Review that the need for tampons in the men’s restrooms was essential because, “not all people who menstruate are women”. This flies in the face of reality because men and women are different. And as one comedian remarked, “the thing I like about women is that they aren’t dudes.”

Apparently, the goofball who serves as Minnesota’s governor “Tampon Tim” Walz prefers women who are dudes or dudes who are women. Or both. Walz earned his nickname by advocating for the installation of tampon dispensers in–you guessed it–men’s restrooms. And he’s not alone. He’s joined by a number of “institutes of higher learning”, and confused elected officials, who no doubt sign letters and emails with their preferred pronouns.

Consequently, there are other problems that will need to be addressed nationwide. Considering the challenge of using a urinal when you’re not equipped with the necessary apparatus to do so, there’s sure to be a lot of wet shoes and wet floors. I suppose Minnesota’s goofy governor and his counterparts in other states will be spending taxpayer money, and universities will be using endowment funds, to buy mops for all men’s restrooms.

Who would have ever thought that the number of penisless men was so great that not having access to tampons in a men’s restroom was a major problem? And who would have ever thought that mobs of people born without a penis would be clamoring to enter a restroom through a door marked “Men”? (Oddly enough urban dictionaries do not yet recognize “penisless” as a legitimate word.)

Another real challenge will arise when an unsuspecting male, with all original equipment still in place, encounters a tampon dispenser for the first time. Since the tampons are free, he’ll undoubtedly take one, hold it in his hand and wonder, “What the hell do I do with this?”

I’m no expert on the matter, but I do have a decent engineering background, which leads me to believe that a cylindrical object placed in dispenser in a restroom will logically be viewed (especially by freshly arrived college students) as something to be used in the nether region below the waist and above the knee. Manly men have but a single orifice in said region, so I foresee a good number of baby-faced students figuring that a tampon is a multi-purpose device that can be used as a suppository or as a cylindrical diaper. Why not experiment? They’re free.

According to some students, placing tampons in men’s restrooms is as it should be. The Review noted, “Many of those who voted “yes” made claims along the lines of, “this is a basic human right, like water or shelter,” and that it’s “ridiculous” and “insane” that they aren’t free already. Many noted that condoms are freely available at the campus health center, so tampons should be, too.

Based on the composition of South Carolina’s population, it’s a pretty safe bet that installation of tampon dispensers in men’s restrooms will be limited. But with the influx of people of people from states where gender confusion runs rampant, you must be ever vigilant. Not only for tampon dispensers, but for wet floors.